tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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