Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
