Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
