Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
