i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
