3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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