He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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