At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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