The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
