Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
