This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
