I accidentally had phone sex last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
me + whiskey = a bad person
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
