when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
