Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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