I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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