I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
