her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
