home. puking in laundry basket.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
