i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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