Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
