i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
