This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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