I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
