I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
