I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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