there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
