I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
