Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
