Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
