and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
