Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
