This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
