..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
