are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
