My liver just broke up with me...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
