I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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