WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
