if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
