how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
