two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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