she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mom said you looked used
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
