He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
