I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
