I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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