I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
4 words: hood of his car
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
