apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
