How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
