Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
