12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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