Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
