The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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