Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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