my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
